If you have family, or friends in Iowa: don't read this!
If you are deluded into liking Iowa: don't read this (and just never bring up the subject and we can remain friends!).
We've been giving you a day-by-day of our doings; today we will overview an entire State in one blog - oh yes, it can be done!
1. It's flat.
2. We've seen probably 90% of the corn in the universe.
3. The roads in Iowa are set up in neat grids, about 20 miles between intersections - the result is any attempt to drive becomes a day-long adventure.
4. We've driven the only curve in those neat grids, commonly known as Iowa roads (clearly marked, of course, as a National Landmark).
5. We've spent 4 days in IA - 3 of them running from sever thunderstorms and tornadoes (one of those at midnight last - the picture was so fitting Anne! Thanks!).
6. People in Iowa don't shop (there aren't any stores), instead they all go down to Black Hawk State Park for the weekend in their 40 year old Winnebago with their 10 children all under 5 - boy, is it fun for their neighbors.
7. Of the vehicles on Iowa roads 80% are eighteen wheelers, 10% are Harley-Davidsons, 8% are exceptionally loud diesel pick-up trucks and 2% are normal cars. (As a side note - we believe that the majority of Iowaians are mostly deaf.)
8. The inhabitants in Iowa breaks down something like this: 2% wildlife, 2% birds, 6% people and 90% insects (most of those are mosquitoes).
9. We are SO hoping that today will mark the last time we ever need to be in Iowa, and we will only vaguely remember the state as we eat our corn flakes in the morning.
10. We can't wait until Iowa is in our rear view mirror!!!
On the positive side (and proving that at least some Iowans are not deaf...), Iowa gave us the composer Meredith Willson, his signature musical, The Music Man and the song "Seventy-Six Trombones" (maybe you can download it and singalong to make the cornfields fly by!), plus the song "Iowa Pride", which includes the immortal lines: "We can stand touching noses for a week at a time and never see eye-to-eye--But we'll give you our shirt, and a back to go with it--if your crops should happen to die!" According to a quote on Wikipedia, Willson referred to the show as "an Iowan's attempt to pay tribute to his home state." Just so you know that someone has tried...
ReplyDeleteThis post is absolutely a RIOT! Growing up in Kansas, I identify with your boredom with Iowa. :) I also felt the same way when I drove through Ohio several years ago and I made the mistake of saying "I'll NEVER live in Ohio - it's so boring!" Well now that I've lived in Ohio for 11 years, I'm done saying "I'll never..." I hope none of you said you'd never live in Iowa. ;)
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